It would be nice if Ahead provided recommendations on Autoinsert Notification for 98x and ME, and Autoplay for W2K and XP. It seems InCD should not be sensitive to their settings, but your milage may vary, so you may experiment.
Using a previously formatted disc on my box XP with Autorun on, after the disc is inserted, the arrow on the InCD icon flips from red S-E to green N-E, the InCD mounted message pops up, and Explorer shows the disc contents, unless I press Shift when closing the tray.
If you want to play with these features, here is some info.
Under 98SE, use Device Manager to set Autoinsert Notification off for your burner (well, I have it on, as well as DMA on).
When I started on XP Pro, I tried using group policies to enable/disable Autorun, but this looked too complicated, so I ran the following autorun0.reg file to get Autorun off
If you replace the final 0 by 1, you'll get Autorun on. (Either create this four-line file and double click to run it, or edit the registry.)
Going back to earlier points, did you check WMP 7.0 doesn't have the Adaptec/Roxio plugin in the Add/Remove options, or are you relying on your memory only? It appears that most people who got WMP 7.0 via Windows Update didn't see any installation options.
Unfortunately the option to control rewriting speeds has disappeared from InCD a long time ago. So what are the writing speeds allowed by Nero for your media? Earlier firmware only allowed 2x, 4x and 12x, but this might have changed. Frankly, your burner is a bit outdated, and nowadays you can grab a nice burner for $9.99 after rebates; see the discussions at www.cdrlabs.com!